THIS IS MY STORY.
As long as I can remember, I have always felt a bit out of place. The realm of daydreams was more familiar and comforting to me than the loud, harsh “real” world. Imagination was part of my constant reality. It was as if I was immersed in a wonderful story that was interrupted by having to do human things, like eat or sleep. The sleep was fine as long as the dreams were pleasant. But I often had night terrors. My Mom thought it was just my vivid imagination but the images and feelings would consume me and I’d find myself always running quickly past the dark hallway in our home before something that I felt was present would grab me. I was teased about how sensitive I was and called a cry baby, but I couldn’t control the sudden overwhelming emotions I felt when someone was in pain. It was usually emotional pain that I somehow shared with them, and oftentimes expressed for them and cry suddenly and uncontrollably in the most random times and places, like school.
The Teen Years
I often felt isolated and alone.Â
I wore many masks and drowned my emotions and sensitivity with alcohol and violence.
Mostly violent with myself.
Not honoring my body.
What saved me was hitting the bottom.Â
By 17 years old, I was about to be sentenced to two years of Juvenile detention camp. I had amazing support from my Mom, a few adults who somehow saw through all this bullshit I was identifying with as my life. They wrote letters on my behalf and with what I know was Divine Intervention, I came out with a probation and drug and alcohol counseling sentence. The counseling is what truly saved me. I don’t remember my counselor’s name but I will always remember the conversations and arguments I had with her. She taught me to accept what is without needing to carry everyone else’s needs on my shoulders. I suppose this is where I learned the value of asking the tough questions. Going into the Shadow and seeing the Lessons in it all, without needing to necessarily fix anything, at least not fix it in the sense that a person is broken.
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